Friday, July 15, 2011

Game of Thrones Fan Fiction

NOTE: Game of Thrones fan fiction generally explores the wide array of characters from the novels and television series. I believe my Game of Thrones fan fiction is far superior, because it exclusively follows the two best elements of the show, The Midget and The Blonde Girl. By focusing on these two essential characters, I am able to make something awesome even MORE awesome. Imagine a Game of Throne world that does NOT involve old, boring men talking about obtuse Westeros history, or normal-sized people doing things, or non-The Blonde Girl women. I cut straight to what everyone wants, what everyone is waiting for... The Midget and The Blonde Girl.

Game of Thrones: A Song of Midgets and The Blond Girl

MIDGET KING: (sitting on his throne, next to his wife, The Blonde Girl) Bring the The Midget before me! (two midget guards bring The Midget to the throne)
THE MIDGET: You can never do anything yourself, can you Midget King? Always your lackeys doing your bidding.
MIDGET KING: Shut your impudent midget mouth!
(Scene cuts to the The Blonde Girl for 20 seconds)
THE MIDGET: You seem content to sit on your midget throne and idle away your time. Do me the favor of speaking directly, for I am not so idle, and my time is not so free.
(Scene cuts to the The Blonde Girl for 30 seconds)
MIDGET KING: So it will be, Midget! I am exiling you from Midget's Landing, to the North at Tinyfell. Your midget treachery will burden me no longer!
THE MIDGET: You're nothing but a miserable midget, Midget King.
(Scene cuts to the The Blonde Girl for 40 seconds)
MIDGET KING: Midget guards! Take this disgusting midget away from my Midget Court immediately! His midget-face disgusts me.
THE MIDGET: You haven't seen the last of me, Midget King! I'm thinking of a clever plan already!
(Scene cuts to the The Blonde Girl for 40 seconds)

Meanwhile, across the Midget Sea...
THE BLONDE GIRL: (sad, looking out over the Midget Horde) I am so sad, I spend my days longing for home, looking out at this Midget Horde. (shot lingers for 20 seconds)
MIDGET SLAVE: Blonde Girl, we have prepared your midget-feast.
THE BLONDE GIRL: I tire of eating midget. Can you not prepare me something else to eat? (shot lingers for 20 seconds)
MIDGET SIR MORMONT: Blonde Girl, the Midget Horde only has two things in abundance... grass, and midgets. Humans cannot eat grass, so I suggest you get used to eating midget.
THE BLONDE GIRL: I am the wife of Khal Midget, leader of the Midget Horde! (shot lingers for 40 seconds). There is nothing else I can eat!?
MIDGET SLAVE: We will slay a mini-goat.
THE BLONDE GIRL: I will bath again, now. (shot lingers for 40 seconds)

Meanwhile again, in the North...
THE MIDGET: Midget Bastard Son of Midget Ned Starks, what do you see when you look at me?
MIDGET BASTARD: Is this a trick question?
THE MIDGET: You see a midget, just as the rest of the world sees a midget. And because I am a midget, I must rely on my wits. My handsome midget brother may be able to get by on his looks, but not I. I must use my midget cunning, Midget Bastard!
(cuts to The Blonde Girl's bath scene for 15 minutes)
MIDGET BASTARD: Do not call me that!
THE MIDGET: Whatever should I call you? You ARE a midget bastard. Own up to what you are, and no one can ever use it against you.
(cuts to The Blonde Girl's bath scene for 15 minutes)
MIDGET BASTARD: Remember 15 minutes ago, what you said?
(cuts to The Blonde Girl's bath scene for 15 minutes)
MIDGET BASTARD: You were right. You are wise above all others in this Midget Kingdom.
THE MIDGET: Call me by real name, Midget Tyrion. And I will call you by yours, Midget Jon Snow... Now, if I am as (cuts to The Blonde Girl drying herself for 5 minutes) smart as you think I am, I will need a most clever ruse to put the Midget King in his place! Follow me to my Thinking Trampoline, I must jump on it for several minutes to devise a plan.
(Cuts to trampoline, where The Midget and The Blonde Girl jump for a half-hour, or so.)

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